i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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