he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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