My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
