Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
