i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
