Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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