was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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