mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
