and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
