Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize