Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
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I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
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Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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