Already got asked if we're dating
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
