my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
