remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
