I feel like I'm in dance class right now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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