allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
