I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!