My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
