just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
