I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
