You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
