I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
