I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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