You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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