well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
