My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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