But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
