woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
