hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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