I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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