cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
