my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
