At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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