I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just threw up on my dentist
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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