I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
