is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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