I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There r osticjed everywhere
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
