the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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