I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
