I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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