Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
