I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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