just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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