If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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