Kiss
Puke
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
