So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
