i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
