It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
