So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
