I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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