All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
