I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
