Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
