Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
