You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
