kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
