He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
