Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i think my mom watched the whole time
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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