shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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