well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
