Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
