Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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