he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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