Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
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Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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