Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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