so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
