This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
