Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
