i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
