I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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