I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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