There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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