You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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