now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
babies were throwing up all over the place
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
