I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
