I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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