none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
