Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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