Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love you.
Bad choice
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
