I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
