I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My vagina is officially offended.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
