would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
