Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
