After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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